The Art of Lowering the Bar

This might be the most important tip of all: lower the bar.

If you took a shower, fed the baby, and made it through the day, that's success. You don't need to be productive. You don't need to have it all together.

As someone who has always been driven, organized, and goal-oriented, this was one of the hardest lessons for me to learn. I spent so much time chasing the idea of who I thought I should be that I struggled to accept the reality of who I was becoming. I wanted to be the mom who had everything figured out. The mom with the clean house, healthy meals, organized schedules, thriving career, happy marriage, active social life, and endless patience.

But motherhood doesn't work that way.

Having my first child completely changed my life. Then I had my second, and if I'm being honest, my life blew up even more—and that's exactly how it should be. Suddenly there were two little people depending on me. Two schedules. Two sets of needs. Two children who deserved my time, energy, and attention. The version of life I had carefully planned no longer existed, and I found myself grieving that reality while also feeling incredibly grateful for the family I had built.

What I didn't realize at the time was that so much of my stress came from trying to hold onto an impossible standard. I was trying to be the perfect person I thought I should be instead of being the mom my children actually needed.

My children don't need a perfect mom.

They don't need a spotless house, color-coded calendars, or a mom who never struggles. They need a mom who is present. A mom who loves them. A mom who apologizes when she's wrong. A mom who takes care of herself, sets boundaries, and shows them what resilience looks like.

Accepting my new reality didn't happen overnight. There were plenty of tears, moments of frustration, and days where I felt like I was failing because I couldn't keep up with the expectations I had placed on myself. But over time, I began to understand that motherhood wasn't taking away who I was—it was reshaping me.

The more I let go of perfection, the more peace I found.

Some seasons of motherhood are about survival. Some days, success looks like everyone being fed, safe, loved, and making it to bedtime. That's enough. You don't have to be the perfect version of yourself to be an incredible mother. In fact, your kids will benefit far more from a real mom than a perfect one.

Give yourself permission to stop chasing impossible standards and start embracing the beautiful, messy reality of motherhood. Your children won't remember whether the laundry was folded. They'll remember how you made them feel. And on the days when everything feels chaotic and unfinished, remind yourself: the goal isn't to have it all figured out. The goal is to love your kids well while giving yourself enough grace to grow alongside them.

BUT… if you're anything like me, simply being told to "lower your standards" isn't very helpful. As a Type-A person, I wanted practical ways to actually do it. Here are a few things that helped me embrace the reality of motherhood instead of constantly fighting against it:

Redefine what a successful day looks like.Before kids, success might have meant crossing everything off your to-do list. Now, success may simply mean everyone is fed, loved, and cared for. Create expectations that fit the season you're in, not the season you're missing.

Choose your priorities for the day.Instead of trying to do everything, ask yourself: "What are the three most important things today?" Some days those three things may simply be feeding the kids, taking a shower, and getting outside for fresh air.

Stop grading yourself against your old life.One of my biggest struggles was comparing myself to who I was before children. Of course I got more done before kids—I wasn't responsible for tiny humans 24 hours a day. Motherhood changed the game, and it's okay if your capacity looks different now.

Focus on what your children need, not what social media says they need.Most kids don't need Pinterest-worthy activities, spotless homes, or elaborate routines. They need connection, consistency, and love. When I stopped trying to perform motherhood and started simply living it, I felt much more at peace.

Celebrate small wins.A walk around the block. A load of laundry. Drinking enough water. Going to bed before midnight. These things count. Motherhood taught me that small wins are still wins.

Practice saying, "Good enough."The toys don't have to be perfectly organized. Dinner doesn't have to be homemade. Your house doesn't have to look ready for company. Sometimes "good enough" is exactly what your family needs.

Give yourself permission to evolve.This one was huge for me. I spent so much energy trying to hold onto the person I used to be that I resisted becoming the person motherhood was shaping me into. The truth is, you're allowed to change. You're allowed to have different priorities. You're allowed to outgrow expectations that no longer serve you.

Ask yourself one simple question:"Would I expect this from another mom?"

If your friend told you she hadn't folded laundry in a week, missed a workout, ordered takeout twice, and spent the afternoon cuddling her baby, would you judge her? Probably not. Offer yourself the same grace you so freely give to others.